In the last Tip of the Week I mentioned “getting married is making most probably the most important decision of one’s life to date.” I don’t expect everything to come to a standstill. As they say “don’t give up your day job”. But on the other hand, how can one focus on truly finding and connecting with their intended bashert if their mind is cluttered with other extra-curricular activities? When one decides to date, they must set aside time to date with a clear head, be able to reflect and digest the previous date in preparation for the next, sleep well, eat well and be relaxed. Scheduling dates in between meetings, appointments, clubs, programs will only make dating a burden. Dating is a time to step off the gas and focus on the one major task ahead. The quicker done, the quicker your goal will be accomplished and the quicker you’ll be able to get back to being busy.
Simon Jacobson from The Meaningful Life Center hit the nail on the head. I couldn’t have said the noted above better myself. The more shidduchim I am involved in, the more coaching I realize is needed especially in the department of prioritizing and bringing clarity to one’s thoughts, wants, aspirations etc This is not just shidduchim related but in fact life related.Boruch Hashem, bochurim/girls and parents are valuing the importance of coaching; especially when there is a lack of focus and clarity.
“I like him/her but I dunno….”
“I feel good when I’m with him/her but I don’t want to give up my single life – my friends.”
“Seems good but maybe I can do better.”
“I can’t stand the pressure.”
“I wish someone would decide for me already.”
“What should I do with my son/daughter? Apply pressure or back off. I’m having sleepless nights watching my child. We’re all emotionally drained!”
- Clarity of what marriage is supposed to be.
- Clarity of who they themselves are (self awaremess).
- Clarity whom they are seeking as their ideal spouse.
- Clarity what circumstances are deal breakers and what are negotiable.
- Clarity as to what needs to be addressed and accomplished with each date.