Kislev – TRUST Hashem – TRUST The Process

This past Motzei Shabbat I was asked by the Chicago Shidduch Initiative to take part as one of the panelists at a singles Shabbaton addressing the topic “How to Ready Ourselves for a Healthy Happy Marriage”.
I would like to share with you some of the thoughts I covered that evening.


Once a Gerrer friend of Reb Mendel Futerfas’ from London asked him his advice.

He had been in audience with his Rebbe, the Beis Yisroel, Reb Yisroel Alter of Ger, and he expressed to him that he has trouble with the concept of “emunat chachamim,” faith in the sages.

Instead of addressing the question though, the Rebbe merely responded “nu.” This chassid was unsure about the intent of this “nu” and turned to R. Mendel for his opinion.

R. Mendel responded: “What don’t you understand? The Rebbe’s intent was to say ‘nu…’ and in G-d you do believe?!”

As Rabbi Pinson so eloquently defines in the short video above, Kislev is the month of TRUST, HOPE and CONFIDENCE. Chanukah is the Festival Miracles. The greatest part of the miracle of Chanukah was that the Jews actually had hope searching for oil in a time they were being attacked and decimated, and the Bais Hamikdosh was being destroyed. The vessel to empower miracles in our life is through TRUST. This sense of TRUST in Hashem is the catalyst of bringing hope, desires and dreams into reality.

The first level of TRUST is to have absolute EMUNAH – TRUST in Hashem that no matter how long it takes, those in the shidduch process WILL find their bashert. Afterall, Hashem created the world in order for it to be inhabited, not for it to be void.

As it says in Isaiah 45:18:

ה֣וּא הָאֱלֹהִ֗ים יֹצֵ֨ר הָאָ֤רֶץ וְעֹשָׂהּ֙  ה֣וּא כֹֽונְנָ֔הּ לֹא־תֹ֥הוּ בְרָאָ֖הּ לָשֶׁ֣בֶת כִּ֣י כֹ֣ה אָֽמַר־יְ֠הוָה בֹּורֵ֨א הַשָּׁמַ֜יִם

Hashem’s plan for the world is for people to have children. This explains that the main reason for a man and woman to marry each other is not only for companionship and pleasure – but to have children.

The second level of TRUST is to TRUST the PROCESS.

Athletes speak of becoming locked in as they transcend personal thought.  Artists describe the power of channeling creative flow. Everyone has experienced being in the zone – a space of calm and inspired performance.

When a person is not thinking about what he’s doing but is just present, it’s striking how well he navigates and rises to the task at hand. This is what athletes and performers speak of in their peak moments.

Let us not second guess the shidduch process but embrace it fully even if we don’t know how it will all unfold. Learn to follow the directions of our Rebbes, Rabbonim, Roshei Yeshivos, Mashpias and mentors etc. Do it with a full heart and simcha without allowing the process to overburden and stress us.

ּIt won’t happen by just sitting back and ‘watching the grass grow’.

We need to do our hishtadlus – exert maximum effort and Hashem will do His.


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