Settling Out Of Desperation

dont-marry-the-person-you-think-you-can-live-with-marry-only-the-individual-yo-403x403-nk5cvnI have been encountering a number of singles who are feeling desperate to marry. The clock is ticking. Time is running by. Endless dating has singles “going through the motions”. One minute they are procrastinating, in no hurry to tie the knot. Suddenly, they look around. Where are all their friends? One by one they all married. Their social scene has changed or diminished. So they decide okay “I’m ready for marriage – I think”. They click their fingers yet dates are not easy to come by. Sparks aren’t flying as easily as imagined. They’ve missed the boat.  All is doom and gloom.

Recently I have been hearing from singles in their lates 20’s, 30’s and beyond something to the effect:

“Listen, I doubt what I am looking for is out there  so why don’t I just settle for someone even if there is no chemistry?”

“We’ll work it out. Afterall, how bad could it be? It seems like that’s what the previous generation did.”

“He’ll live his life. I’ll live mine. And together we’ll have a family.”

“He’s quiet. So am I. I’m sure we can make it work.”

“Happy? It sure beats living alone.”

The truth is one must self-reflect if he is being realistic in his pursuit of his bashert. It is very possible one who he has previously rejected either to date or after dating may in fact be very much suited. But this has to discerned in consultation with one’s mashpia, mentor or counsellor/coach.

Marriage is a work in progress. Takes time, investment, will-power and attention.

It very well could be the necessary respect and chemistry is there. You just have to realise both of you have what it takes to make each other content, fulfilled and complete.

But settling out of desperation with no interest other than “how bad could it be” could in fact lead to shalom bayis problems afterwards.

What do you think? Is Dobson right?

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